Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
