I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
