dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
