So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
