nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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