I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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