I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
