dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
