First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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