my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
