Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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