I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
