1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
