living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
