wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
