Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
