I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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