never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
