Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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