I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
mondays should just be called national damage control day
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
