Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
