I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
