On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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