we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
