We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
