I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Randomize
