yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
