She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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