i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
