oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
