So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
should my penis look like a turkey
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
