We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
