"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
