a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
