is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
