Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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