just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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