He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
