I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
