dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
