ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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