happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
