I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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