In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
