So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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