so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
In America we eat man semen.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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