i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
