is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
