she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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