hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
