i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
