I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
