Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
